I AM a Superhero
Hello, my name is Michelle and I AM a superhero!
Wow you may be thinking. Or she’s cocky. I hope you are thinking good for her! Let me tell you how I got to that statement!
I have attracted so many different people in my life. I have inspired and influenced them in so many ways, as they have me. Each one has labelled me a superhero. This has happened for years. For years I would just half smile and internally roll my eyes.
I didn’t realise that I had a lot of work to do internally.
It slightly embarrassed me every time.
It kept happening and became more and more frequent. Eventually I started to listen and explore the idea, that maybe I wasn’t the pain in the arse and the liability I had been led to believe throughout my childhood. Maybe I really was a super hero.
So let me tell you a little about my journey, for you to truly understand my present status.
I had a rocky childhood. A narcissistic father and a troubled mother. Neither of my parents had the most amazing childhoods, in turn neither did I. There was mental and physical abuse. There was sexual abuse (outside of the family unit) too. They divorced when I was 15 (mid GCSE – thanks!). I was practically left to my one devices for years. There is much more, it’s safe to say, I can relate to most situations as I’ve experienced a lot which has made me quite empathetic over the years. It’s been incredible for me to relate to others abs help them on their own journey.
My 20’s and 30’s weren’t much better. Filled with more narcissists, horrific boyfriends, some horrific “friends” too. Various suicide attempts (followed by horrific moments of lake of ability that I couldn’t even kill myself properly). Some amazing achievements and some very tough lessons. Becoming a single mum, various bouts of depression and mania. Finally diagnosed with Bi Polar at 30. I suffered terribly with side effects of medication and ended up with failing kidneys and liver and a whole heap of autoimmune conditions. Whilst holding down and progressing a successful career in construction and raising a pretty grounded and generally amazing daughter.
There wasn’t much time for anything. But somehow I made it. As I sit here quietly, in the dark, on my honeymoon whilst my new husband is sleeping next to me, it all doesn’t seem real.
Why am I writing this on my honeymoon you may ask…. Because a very good friend of mine asked me too.
I am loyal to the core. The first thing my brother said about me during his speech last week. Probably the most common word used to describe me. I am so loyal to the amazing people I have in my life. I only have amazing beautiful people in my life, because that’s who I am, and what I deserve. I have no time for those that are only interested in themselves and what they can gain from you. They are as loyal to me as I am to them. I am eternally grateful for them too.
My 40’a are much better. I entered them exhausted. I had lost 3 litres of blood giving birth to my twin boys and with only 4 hours sleep since that day for over 12 months, I was shattered, but they have been incredible. I am surrounded by incredible people. I have some amazing support networks (although some our international). I have an incredible husband and 3 challenging but amazing children. I have a number of successful businesses and life is pretty great.
I am loyal to the core. The first thing my brother said about me during his speech last week. Probably the most common word used to describe me. I am so loyal to the amazing people I have in my life. I only have amazing beautiful people in my life, because that’s who I am, and what I deserve. I have no time for those that are only interested in themselves and what they can gain from you. They are as loyal to me as I am to them. I am eternally grateful for them too.
My 40’a are much better. I entered them exhausted. I had lost 3 litres of blood giving birth to my twin boys and with only 4 hours sleep since that day for over 12 months, I was shattered, but they have been incredible. I am surrounded by incredible people. I have some amazing support networks (although some our international). I have an incredible husband and 3 challenging but amazing children. I have a number of successful businesses and life is pretty great.
I wouldn’t be where I was without the awful experiences and the incredible people in my life.
Through their influence I’ve learnt to love my brain.. to love my divergence… to
Love my past…. To forgive my past…. to love everything else I’ve learnt about myself. To love that I am different and be proud of it. I’ve learnt to accept praise and believe I am a superhero just the way I am.
My super powers….
My endurance…. both physical and mental, I never should have survived half the things I have endured, nor should my mental health have survived the last 14 months
My capabilities …
running a home, cooking fresh good food every day, running a business (or 2), mothering a teenager (who is smashing it!) and looking after twin toddlers with minimal sleep
My patience…. only a twin mum will understand
My inner peace… there are some days I literally feel like my head will explode. Like I cannot cope with another second. Like I am literally going to die. I have felt rage and frustration like I have never felt before in my life. Somehow I control it and dig deep to find the love in my heart to overcome it. (That sometimes entails screaming at Husband like a psychopath)
My strength… to just keep getting up night after night to see to my boys…. day after day with maybe 4 or 5 hours sleep for nearly 2 years.
To get through the days when getting out of bed seemed impossible
To share my story with others. To open up to people and to help them, even though I often run the risk of being triggered
To help others, even when my own world has crumbled.
My resilience…. to keep going…. to thrive in a pandemic…to reside that I won’t pee (or do anything) in peace for another 5 years! Smiling while I do it.
My ideas… to keep coming up with new ways to improve myself and others. How I turn a passion into a business. How I make money so easily
My faith…. I always knew that I will get through even the toughest days…. that better days were coming…. That one day I would be feel enough.
My gratitude… that always prevails… even on the hardest and darkest of days
My love…. to keep going. To still be there for others when some days I don’t feel like my heart can beat another beat. To still put others first when I need to. To put myself first when I need too. To still be there for the special people in my life. To be there for myself. And to still look in the mirror and be happy to see myself, exactly as I am in that moment and smile (or laugh). To still love and make the effort so my loved ones know they are loved.
My badass…. I am a badass no matter what. But I’ve learnt that this is not a bad thing. My badass self can do a lot of good. I’ve been helping people find their own badass inside themselves. It’s great. I love it. I’m good at it. I have incredible skills & strengths that others lack. So I’ve been helping good people do badass things. It’s really working.
My understanding… of many things. Of life. Of the world. I see things differently and that’s a gift.
I really wanted to be married before I was 40. The universe has other ideas. Life really does begin at 40, for me anyway. Life is good. As I reflect now, it’s doesn’t seem real. But it was.
If you are struggling right now, feel free to reach out. To myself or someone you know. You don’t have to be on your own. It will get better. I didn’t always realise I was a superhero, but you are too. You just have to find it within yourself.
Have a wonderful day xx
Mother of 3 (including twins) with a passion for empowering, improving & changing people’s lives.
Contact details
Follow me on Instagram: @michelle_carr_x
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Che11e.x.x
